we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
