The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
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Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
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All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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