At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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