It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
