i always forget guys have bellybuttons
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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