yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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