I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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