I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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