It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
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I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...