he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.