I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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