Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
