Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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