I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
