The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
