Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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