Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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