I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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