Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
