Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
