Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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