I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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