About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
