im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize