i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
