Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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