you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
one two three fourrrrnication!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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