It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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