tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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