Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
