Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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