I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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