Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
