I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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