I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
