this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
