Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
