Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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