Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize