I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
