the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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