Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
