I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
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Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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