no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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