yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I looked at my own cervix.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
