I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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