He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
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