OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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