Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
