Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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