there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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