Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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