Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
