i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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