Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
