please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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