my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
