what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
