o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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