There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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