i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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