I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
