he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
