I feel like I'm in dance class right now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
