he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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