Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you had me at cake vodka
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
