so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
