Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
