sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
