we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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