Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
