My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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