Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
