My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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