I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
