I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
