Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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