Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
