Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
