69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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