I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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