i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
